The shattered joy of parenthood

This short piece is specially dedicated to all parents who have either lost their kids at a young age or the expectant parents who did not get the opportunity to meet their precious angels. May God continue to grant you strength and may the beautiful and precious souls of these little angels rest in perfect piece.

I WONDER

Sometimes I sit in deep thoughts and wonder, what would have been the best;

For you to have never given me any hope of your possible existence, my dearest.

Or the thought of knowing that although you left too early,  I was blessed with the opportunity of knowing how it feels to be a mother,

It hurts that I never experienced the opportunity to know how you were going to be a sweet bother,

For you to grow within and feel your kicks as the days go by,

Only for you to leave without a proper goodbye;

At least I caught a glimpse of you, but would have loved to touch and cradle you for a little longer,

Sometimes I try to picture how you would look growing up but since you are gone, does it really matter?

Sometimes I feel sorry and saddened especially for those who left too early in the developmental stage,

How could their parents even create beautiful memories to fill their minds pages;

What of those who bonded well but got devastated as you spent a shorter time with them on earth,

That could potentially stop a mothers’ breath,

No amount of words, what ifs or had I known would bring you back,

How I wish I got the opportunity to hold you more and spend time with you,

But I hear it’s best this way because if we had bonded, it would have been difficult to easily let go of you,

Sometimes I wonder which is best: to have spent a short time with you on earth after the long nine months or to have you leave without completing your full sentence of nine-months.

However, am grateful you left. 

Because of you I started a journey of positive self discovery,

I discovered talents I never knew existed,

I discovered an inner strength that I knew not of,

I began to reset my priorities,

I became a motivation and mentor for other mothers,

I discovered new passions,

Your absence brought us closer and forged an unbreakable bond,

And most importantly I knew God hadn’t failed me yet, he needed to reposition us on the correct path before blessing us with another,

MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!

Value what you have and make time for the things you value. You never know when it will be too late to go back.

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Image credit: https://www.pinterest.com/5onearth/loss-of-a-baby-or-child-heaven-and-baby-angels/

Piece is inspired by Jordan and Jayden who never experienced life on earth and Jesse who lived for a short while. You are eternally etched in our memories. Lots of love from mom, dad and Janessa.

FOREVER GRATEFUL TO GOD!

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